Down But Not Out

Writing everyday and making a post twice a week is a commitment i made to myself. It has not been easy and i think it has reflected in my everyday life.i have been through a turmoil in the last few days.My days have been more of laying on my bed in the fetal position. Feeling confused, lost, miserable and having random thoughts of some petty and crazy things.I know i am down but not out.

To console myself i entertained my sweet tooth, watched Fargo series(which by the way is boring), scattered everything everywhere, while going through my old notebooks and magazines. right at one point i stood hands akimbo, looked around my messy house, looked at the reflection i was staring at the mirror and realized, i am my own worst enemy! i was sinking my own ship and sooner or later i was going to drown with it and eventually die if i did not do something. I was drowning and suffocating myself with myself.I know i am down but not out.

Can i get out of mediocrity? Can i get out of my comfort zone? Can i just be me? Can i be the best of me? Can i get out of 'naomba serikali' mentality? Can i be the change i want to see? Can i? can i? Can?Can i just look at myself at the mirror and smile? All this time All these questions, I know i am down but not out.

After all just like the butterfly goes all those crazy life-cycle stages, i know i am going to emerge better. Be the source of joy, happiness, kindness, laughter, promise of a better future, and spread a lovely soft kiss on each an everyone of your cheeks and make the world a better place.In the Holy Book of 2nd Corinthians 4:8-9 it states...We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed....I know i am down but not out.

With the assurance that  something bad might happen to me, i might still cry, but feel comforted inside. I am sad outwardly, but my heart is not heavy at all. I might not understand why, but deep down inside me, there is something lifting me up. Making me have a sleepless nights unless i share this. that something buoyant, which is rising from the inside of me is the great power of God/Allah in me. So i know i am down but not out.

She is A Farm Girl

My holiday took an interesting turn when I visited my grandparents, they are amazing lovely, married for more than 40 years and I love them. By the way I was brought up in a farm. Trust me I came to Kenya’s Capital city in 2009, yeah! I have Never been to the city. Only in those few school trips we had in high school and primary school.

I was brought up in the infamous slopes of the Aberdares and I would say I am son of soil like Wahome Mutahi did but naaaah, I am a beautiful daughter of my mother, and my grandfather’s pet granddaughter.At this time of the year, winter has  hits us hard.

You want to know what people wear, or what I wear when I get there?...right now , other than the essential clothing, I have a jumper, a coat on top ,a headscarf, pair of gumboots socks and trousers…a very long skirt and gloves. In this part of the world gumboots are the most precious pair of shoes you can have, they are all weather and yeah..durable than any other type of shoes. The other popular type of shoe you can wear..is any canvas shoe by Bata or some sport shoes…so forgive me when you find me wearing sports shoes and a jeans skirt….it’s not a fashion crime, it’s what I know as right .

You boast or take pleasure …or whatever you do …in taking ice-cream or cakes for dessert, I always had a grilled green maize for my dessert, and it was the best. So roasted maize was my thing after dinner, but it is not what Nairobians eat as roasted maize….you have no idea of what you eat…..I ate sweet, juicy and soft green maize as opposed to what I find on the streets…unchewable, burnt and they are just flat….no taste at all. My Ideal breakfast was some sour milk (what you call Greek yoghurt) Ugali and a boiled egg or it could be some sweet potatoes, some arrow roots or Irish potatoes. Guys what do you eat for your breakfast? Weetabix? Milk?...that is very over processed milk…that’s why I seldom take milk.

 By the way, before I met the real sugar cane, I used to eat some maize stalks. Choosing the juiciest was an art, and the color of the stalk could tell it all. I could enjoy as i crushed out the juice of the maize stalks….and later we could eat the boiled maize from the stalks as starters.

Life at the farm is awesome, being a shepherd in the morning, collecting eggs at lunch time and listening to mythological stories after dinner from my grandmother. The air is fresh and pure and mornings are filled with birds singing after cock crows wakes you up. 

The smell of fresh dung is still stored in my medulla and deafening croaking during the rainy season, I can see the beautiful flowering season and the hot harvest season too. 

The memories at the farm are irreplaceable.  I smile and a wait till I build my own farm house.

You have just met the farm girl….thank you for the read

My dreams are worthless, my plans are dust......

My dreams are worthless, my plans are dust, my goals are impossible.

from here

All are of no value unless they are followed by action.


Action is the food and drink which will nourish my success.

My procrastination which has held me back was born of fear and now I recognize this secret mined from the depths of courageous hearts. Now I know that to conquer fear I must always act without hesitation and the flutters in my heart will vanish. now I know that action reduces the lion of terror to an ant of equanimity.




I will not avoid the tasks of today and charge them to tomorrow for I know that tomorrow never comes. Let me act now even though my actions may not bring happiness and success for it is better to act and fail than not to act and flounder.

from here

For NOW is all i have. Tomorrow is the day reserved for the labor of the lazy. I am not lazy. Tomorrow is the day when the evil become good. I am not evil. Tomorrow is the day when the weak become strong. I am not weak. Tomorrow is the day when the failure will succeed. I am not failure.

I hunger for success. I thirst for happiness and peace of mind. Lest I act, I will perish in life of failure, misery, and sleepless nights. I will command, and i will obey mine own command.

from here

I will act now. I will act now. I will act now. Henceforth, I will repeat these words again and again and again, each hour, each day, every day, until the words become as  much a habit as my breathing and the actions which follow become as instinctive as the blinking of my eyelids. With these words, I can condition my mind to perform every act necessary for my success. with these words I can condition my mind to meet every challenge which the failure avoids.




Be with me with the NOW revolution, hold hands, encourage each other and get the best out of everything.

I love you....thank you for passing by!

1-12-13...World AIDS DAY

With all the myths that go around about the origin of HIV/AIDS i am left at loss for words as how this world wide ...is it epidemic or pandemic....has spread all through and either affected or infected us. This back in the 80's was a curse here in Kenya and no one could stand in a crowd and preach their status.

The days of stigma are long gone and here is living responsibly whether you are positive or not. I know of a number of friends who think that knowing your status means you are sleeping around or you are a whore whether a man or a woman. And my thoughts....Knowing my status is like a period of enlightment.....i know how to live responsibly, get to be in solidarity with the people living with HIV/AIDs and protecting my partner with whom i do the test together.

 Have you checked the statistics... that out of 10 people 6 are positive. what does that mean? Know your status, the fight is not yet over, but it cannot start if you do not know your status yet.

There so many factors that lead to high prevalence rates in Africa and lack of awareness is in the lead, followed by stigma and many others. The only thing that would help is creating awareness and evangelizing all facts.

So friends, the people affected or infected are us, so lts put our hands and hearts together and in unity fight this HIV/AIDs.

 and i love you guys
XOXO
lovejane

Yes I AM BLACK and i LOVE IT

The whole world has glorified idea of being white or of lighter skin, but i am the game changer, no more white glorification, no more light skin.... and now .... Yes i am Black and i love it.

I love how my hair feels, it's close to wool and springs back after i check the length...

Who said it has to be straight, use chemicals?? you guys are degrading our environment for heavens sake!!!!!!!!.....Yes i love my Natural hair




Our Creator took some time to make us, look along the streets as full figured ladies strut it and everyone...left ogling, thin waistline, full chest, and well rounded *dashboards* supported by endless strong legs. Trust me the black woman's figure is the most coveted....Yes i am Black, Natural Haired, African full figured woman...and i love it

So what is left?...deep appreciation of my Black roots,MY Creator and Me...
I am the Black Goddess...

24th Year

This day....16/11...makes me older every year according to the calendar. Some few years ago i would be so overjoyed to celebrate my birthday but now its all gone. the future i want is now closing up, no more crazy parties, senseless loud music, planning or setting goals that are never met, dreaming ninety percent and doing less than half of it and many more.The reality is i am 24 years old!!!

Maybe my first post could have started like this...

But time flew by and i lazied with the idea till it was 3 days past my d-day.I look back at all those years past and men i appreciate my body at 19-22, i was so in good shape, lean and spotless clean face. i look at the photos of then and wish time machine could just take me back. now i have excess body mass in the wrong places, i have cellulite on my thighs and buttocks, stretch marks allover my bum and boobs...some on my arms..and my face breaks out as it feels like.

It is not like i do not feel good about my myself, it is that i acknowledge that i had some lifestyle and bodily changes in the last two years. I love my rounder chest, my new all natural hair, my new added weight and i love me, she love her...jane, they love her...jane.

My 24th birthday was just like any other day. i woke up at 6 am, and cleaned up, had breakfast and got rid of all things i did not like and at the end of it all, the exercise was so fulfilling. i bought a cupcake, sang myself happy birthday song and made my wishes. i strolled with my friend around campus and later went for the TPF6 concert and that was it.

Proudly 24, adopting new life mantras like, eight glasses of water a day, exercise for at least 30 min 3 times a week, eating right...what my grand ma ate only!!! The battle is not easy, but i hope to see my 3rd generation.

My Blog Reading List

Hadasites, with this long silence, I feel like I owe you an explanation. i have been doing my daily reads on the blogs I have subscribed and they inspire me. They make me see the world at a lighter note and appreciate everything I have no matter how small it is. All the bloggers or the personas I admire have striking features that I admire in them, they don’t know me personally but when I read their posts , I feel the connection. I sometimes become teary, laugh softly, grin, fall in a meditative step,stare and set goals as I go through them.

Nancie Mwai, for example, makes me feel happy. This lady is so adventurous, a go getter and believes in herself. She does not have a fashion icon (i read that somewhere) and that shows the confidence she has in herself. Many people will say of how they follow other stylistas but I respect her, her style, urban fusion of herself. I laughed at one post she wrote of how she overdid the stockings and tights thing (like I am doing now) when she was in college and yeah she speaks for me. Her blog being awarded in the Bake Awards was a great achievement and I follow her….

This super woman of Jadore fashion dot com is classy, style that is so refreshing, married and currently pregnant. She zealously blogs about her pregnancy and I bet every pregnant woman envies her and makes others to be(not included). I love her miu miu pair of shoes and yeah though I can’t walk in any kind of heels…I love all her shoes. She is a busy working and studying and she is such an inspiration, I wish I could get that one on one with her and ask her how she balances everything.

My love for nail polish took me to Gotham polish blog, it’s a fantastic and a haunty  blog. I dream every day and also sometimes day dream of all those colors on my nails. They are fabulous, chic, trendy and to die for. I have never seen the polishes in Kenya…and if there was they would be on a price I cannot afford now…Nail polish gives me a pint of confidence and (I have good long nail beds) and I flash it a lot when I have it on. Check out their summer collection.

How can I forget the Kurly Kichana, those girls…no words, before I did my b.c, I had to read over and over their blog so be convinced enough that I want to go natural, it was a buzz when I finally did it and my mother could not believe it. Those girls are so professional in their hair care regimens and they helped me in transitioning and also care tips for my skin too.

I can go on and on, and I will post more blogs that I recommend…done by men..

Happiness is not given, you make it!!

Hadasa,

xoxo

ATNM CYCLE 20....GUYS and GIRLS

ANTM America Next Top Model has never been a dissapointment it has been one of the dazzling , fashionistic and bankabalistic in monetary and time wise show that has always has an edge.

One of the best cycles that i really enjoyed was cycle 13....for short girls...less than 5'7''....and i loved it because i am short, and it brought me to tears to know that even short girls can make it in the industry with examples of Heidi Klum and others.

Cycle 15 which was high fashion had this awkward but fashionable girl Ann... who i doubted that  she would last, her catwalk was wobbly but with her appearance   on vogue makes me forget everything else about her.

Cycle 20 is what i am eager to watch....Guys and Girls...will they not make out on camera or will the girls not fight over the men...am curious to even know whether they live in the same house.

Otherwise i love Tyra Banks and her initiatives and the mark that she is making in the Fashion industry. Hats off and a standing ovation to the queen of "smizing"

I love fashion and my interpretation of it may differ making it my style. Inhale Fashion Exhale Style.

xoxo
Hadasa

2013 Jubilation....THE YEAR OF JUBILEE

As the Year starts off for me, i feel a bit late, left behind by the universe for a record of 37 days since the rest celebrated new years'.
Its such a shame but i have to carry on and move on.
I have great expectations for this year.
So be it.

My Hair

My Hair is my baby and most of the times it reflects what i feel inside and about life generally, it has had one of the drastic changes ever and had many hairstyles too.
I went B.C and have been in hurdles to maintain my natural hair, i have taken good care of it and treated it as the most precious thing i have.
i am going to post some of the hair styles  have doned as far as i can remember and as far as my phone camera was in use

Love your hair and it will love you back. I will post more hair updates soon,
Thanks for reading...

xoxo
Hadasa.

Web Banner Besigns

Over the last time i did post on designs i have been really slow in my creativity. But here are some of the things i have been doing...

I was supporting one of my friends for this web project he had and he needed an extra hand ...
I was up and down my Photoshop tool bars, effects, styles ....and came up with these...

They are all in this website

The Smile

Hadasites…You know when you long for that smile to be on your face, when all in your world is cloudy and you looking for something to put it back…

That is a moment when you go soul searching… Finding out the who’s when’s where’s and what’s and then’s…

But I found it and I love it… It was terrifying but the results as you can see are amazing…that flawless hearty laugh I missed is back….it is amazing…

I thank God for all the Grace He granted me through all this time….

 Got it back...My smile....i love you all

xoxo

Hadasa

COME BACK

Hi everyone…my Hadasites…I know I have been away for long but now I am back.

The twists of event around my world were so hilarious and it took time, courage, patience and much more a lot of Grace from God to be able to be on top of things… it was really a life turning experience that I feel more energetic and zealous to be here for you and for you to hold my hand as I walk along this path of life. 

I appreciate you all reading and keeping in touch. I have had one or two laughter moments.

Some of the moments I captured and other I could not… but I am so happy to share with you the following

Enjoy Hadasites…

I actually started to make my hair..i was caught in those thinking moments...in making those decisions in life...

I knew it...so i pretended like it was nothing

So lets enjoy every moment in life....and never take anything for granted

And Smile it doest mean its the end of the world...it means you started living and stopped existing....

 Finally i ended up smiling...

xoxo

Hadasa