Down But Not Out

Writing everyday and making a post twice a week is a commitment i made to myself. It has not been easy and i think it has reflected in my everyday life.i have been through a turmoil in the last few days.My days have been more of laying on my bed in the fetal position. Feeling confused, lost, miserable and having random thoughts of some petty and crazy things.I know i am down but not out.

To console myself i entertained my sweet tooth, watched Fargo series(which by the way is boring), scattered everything everywhere, while going through my old notebooks and magazines. right at one point i stood hands akimbo, looked around my messy house, looked at the reflection i was staring at the mirror and realized, i am my own worst enemy! i was sinking my own ship and sooner or later i was going to drown with it and eventually die if i did not do something. I was drowning and suffocating myself with myself.I know i am down but not out.

Can i get out of mediocrity? Can i get out of my comfort zone? Can i just be me? Can i be the best of me? Can i get out of 'naomba serikali' mentality? Can i be the change i want to see? Can i? can i? Can?Can i just look at myself at the mirror and smile? All this time All these questions, I know i am down but not out.

After all just like the butterfly goes all those crazy life-cycle stages, i know i am going to emerge better. Be the source of joy, happiness, kindness, laughter, promise of a better future, and spread a lovely soft kiss on each an everyone of your cheeks and make the world a better place.In the Holy Book of 2nd Corinthians 4:8-9 it states...We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed....I know i am down but not out.

With the assurance that  something bad might happen to me, i might still cry, but feel comforted inside. I am sad outwardly, but my heart is not heavy at all. I might not understand why, but deep down inside me, there is something lifting me up. Making me have a sleepless nights unless i share this. that something buoyant, which is rising from the inside of me is the great power of God/Allah in me. So i know i am down but not out.